Sometimes
I just want to do whatever I want.
I want to move into a loft apartment and decorate it with Mason jars and daisies and vintage furniture and pictures of people I love and patchwork quilts and mismatched dishes and teacups and candles and lamps and quotes and dedicate a whole entire corner to painting, with acrylics and water colors and canvasses and brushes and sponges and fingers.
I want to work in a coffee shop or a bookstore or a preschool all day long and meet all of the kinds of people that this world has to offer; happy, sad, eccentric, weird, boring, angry, bitter, cheerful, hopeful, broken, spastic. I wanna spend time with kids, volunteer at a preschool or a church or an elementary school or camp or after-school care program or the Y. I want to be reminded every day that children are the source of the greatest light in this world because they’re the only innocent thing that we can ever count on.
I want to go home and eat Italian bread and pasta and fruit and that’s all. I wanna put on music that tugs at my heartstrings and paint the whole night away, to sit down and write, manifest all of my dreams and emotions and feelings into characters with problems and solutions and lives that I’ll never have.
I want to create things to make up for everything I’ve destroyed, everything I will destroy.
Some nights I wanna be loved. I wanna bring him to my apartment and make dinner with him and listen to happy songs and play like children and kiss and laugh and talk with candles and dancing and story-telling. I wanna be told how beautiful I am and get kissed from forehead to toe and make love to someone who means it, someone who wants me to feel full and complete and alive. I wanna wrap up in covers, naked, and snuggle and listen to John Mayer and fall asleep with him whispering into my hair.
I wanna smoke cigarettes and take pretty pictures and smoke pot and burn incense and play my mandolin and learn sign language and write poetry and collect books and stickers and learn to cook and go days without makeup and wear men’s t-shirts and glasses that I don’t need and dance in the rain and paint.
I just want to paint.
(Source: craziistarr, via eletheowl)
Dating Ryan.
Summer flings ftw
"You wanna know what I struggle with? It’s not that I’m too reserved, too detached. It’s that I’m too emotional. I’m impulsive and emotional. And I give myself over right away. And passionately. I pour myself out. Can’t you see that I’m protecting myself? Because I’m afraid I’ll get carried away. I won’t be able to think. I won’t be able to analyze. I won’t be able to work."
(via eletheowl)
(via eletheowl)
(Source: fearlessknightsandfairytales)
